How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
