i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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