This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
