I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize