yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
