after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Randomize
