dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
