Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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