She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need moral support for this bender
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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