I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
