there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
