why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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