I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
