Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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