After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
