Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize