im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
