dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
