I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
