i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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