Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize