There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
