You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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