Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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