Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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