Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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