Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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