If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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