I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
