Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
only if we run a train.
done.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
BRING THE BAGELS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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