Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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