Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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