If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
