She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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