Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
