I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
