I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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