Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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