ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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