before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
