I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
