i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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