i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
