Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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