you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
