Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
