I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
