i would punch a child for taco bell
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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