Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize