gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
please come you make the beer taste better
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
tell me about the fingering
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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