forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No more Irish car bombs ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
