Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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