I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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