the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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