If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
