I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
