She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Found the puke drawer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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