This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So much rum. So many feels.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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