i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
