She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
