Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
