my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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