I can tuck mytits in my pants
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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