do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
