Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
