im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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