i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Couch. On fire.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
