Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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