dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
