You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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