You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize