i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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