good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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