the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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