I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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