When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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