I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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