Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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